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Water Cooler / Humor / The Auto Accident
« on: December 29, 2010, 09:44:25 AM »
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither is hurt. They crawl out of their cars, and the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So, you're a priest. I'm a rabbi! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God! God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
And the priest said, "I agree completely. This must be a sign from God."
And the rabbi said, "And look at this, another miracle: My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break! Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
And so he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi took the bottle, and without drinking any at all, he put the cap back on, and handed it back to the priest. Surprised, the priest asked, "Aren't you going to have any?"
"No," the rabbi replied, "I think I'll just wait for the police."
Water Cooler / Humor / Blonde Job Applicants
« on: November 15, 2010, 09:10:21 AM »
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, like scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office. The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!" the second blonde answered.
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused, too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office and the detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..."
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
"I sure did. This man wears contact lenses!" the third blonde said with pride.
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
Water Cooler / Humor / Top Ten Country Western Songs.
« on: September 08, 2010, 09:38:01 AM »
Top Ten Country Western Songs.
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few.
8. If The Phone Don 't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win!
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.
And the Number One Country & Western is..
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day!
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