From stupidest to (smartest):

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used
only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

I like #9.  typical insensitive, asshole boss.

This one is real.  Given to me by a former boss at a former company...

"You need to spend less time working and more time at the water cooler."

Ed why cant you finish Facing all the shelves at night..(44 isles, shelves 30 foot long, both sides)(variety, hardware, sports, kitchen, toys, school and art supplies

well, Im the only one on the floor, and I give customer service, I do extra checking when needed, I mix paint, I tell customer where things are, I search the stock room as needed for products NOT on shelf, I tell customers What they need when painting, or installing picture frames, each sections returns, and Im busy.  Buy the time I get to 1 end, the beginng is all mixed up again.

2 days later...
Ed, slow down, no one can understand anything you say.